Wonder what WE think of them?
by Wish I Was a Pirate
Summary: I, THE Alejandro Burromeurto and Heather, have joined this site called Fanfiction so we may express our opinions towards the idiota's-I mean contestants who had to compete in the wretched show Total Drama, and I KNOW you all love our opinion our precioso's. Now I may dislike your favorite contestant's but it serves you right if you like butter donkeys...
1. Chapter 1

**I feel like I am supposed to express some disclamier stating I do not own Total Drama. So there.. I do not own the wretched reality TV show.**

* * *

Foreward:

Many of my lovely fans have expressed interest towards my personal opinion of the _idiotas-_ I mean amigo's on the vile Total Drama alongside me. And, since this is an ideal site for writing and expressing opinions, I have decided to present you all with a treat: my personal opinion on each and every contestant from total drama! I will take requests from _mi reviewers preciosos _on which one one of the _cerdos repugnantes-_ I mean, contestants I will discuss each chapter. Be warned; I may dislike your favourite contestant, but then, it serves you right if you like butter donkeys or _incompetentes…_

_-_Sincerely, THE Alejandro Burrmouerto


	2. Mike

So far, although I believe I will have gotten more votes by the time this chapter is published, the most votes have been for… _MIKE? _I would love to attend to the beautiful Heather first, but since he got the most votes, I will evaluate Mike first.

I have never seen Mike as a strong competitor. The only reason that he makes it far was due to the fact he was riding on the tails of his multiple personalities. After my disgraceful defeat on Total Drama All Stars my _preciosos _Heather and I have watched reruns of the season to see where we went wrong, hers was obvious and mine was shameful but… there was something else I noticed about that _Idiota-_ I mean amigo…

He was a weak excuse of a antagonist. He has a hidden personality that resembles a Diablo and he didn't even know about him? That's just sad. What's even more sad is that _Mal _was awoken because he was hit in the head with a shovel from that farm boy Scott?

All is okay though. As long as Mike didn't do anything stupid Mal shouldn't appear as often… oh wait, he did. It appears that Mike assumed that if getting hit in the head caused him to awake then getting hit in the head again would fix it… this isn't a _Cartoon _Mike! Well, at least he had Zoey to knock some sense into that _incompente idiota _by telling him to wait for Cameron to figure something out. That's the logical thing to do of course knowing that Cameron has dealt with that personality problem with Mike before, he should know what to do, right? Of course I'm right. So Mike humbly agrees with Zoey and then….

He goes into the confessional with a boulder and drops it onto his head. An unintelligent and stupid thing to do from and even weaker competitor. Although I Do not feel it is fair for me to speak only of himself, I should speak about what makes him.. In all honesty he's just a case for the actual personalities seeing he does not have one himself.

Chester is a crude old man. Uninteresting and Depressing.

Vito is an Egotistical Jock faced Jerk. Annoying and Uninteresting.

Svetlana is a Russian gymnast. Unoriginal and Uninteresting.

Manitoba is a Indiana Jones Clone. Unoriginal and Uninteresting.

Mal is a weak, sad, worthless, idiotic, TERRIBLE… Ahem… he is also Uninteresting and Unoriginal.

Overall Mike is a very boring character with no resolve. The only reason he has so many fans was due to the fact that he dated the somewhat more popular _Zoey._

But as long as Mike/Mal had a good strategy to win the season like Heather and Myself than maybe he would be more interesting…

Too bad he didn't. Breaking things is a feat any 3 year old with a tantrum could accomplish. Even that jail bird Duncan did more than Mal did that season, and that's saying something considering the fact that Duncan was _supposed_ to be a Hero. He Didn't even stay under the radar. Sure idiot's such as Zoey and Gwen wouldn't notice that he was acting any different but to people like myself and I'm sure Heather as well would quickly realize how false he was. Just because you can change your voice doesn't change the fact that A: You always had terrible reasons why you where in a bad situation. B: You had dark lines under you eyes every time. C: You had to fix your hair right in front of the person you were talking to so you could Look like Mike.

He didn't even manipulate anybody! No, manipulating somebody isn't like saying "Hey, lets have a Friendship Finale 2.0!". They are already friends and shouldn't count since they are TRUE friends which you shouldn't have if in competition (My beautiful Heather is an exception)

So overall I see Mike as a weak and worthless competitor and even though he caused my elimination he should NOT see himself anywhere amongst the great competitors such as Myself and Heather.

Sorry to all Mike fans but honestly, this is _my _opinion. Do not expect me to be kind. And who would you rather prefer my lovely fans, the sexy intelligent prodigy currently writing this or that Multiple Personality Idiota?

My next chapter will be devoted to who you would like to hear my evaluate next. So until next time my lovely and intelligent fans…

_ Adios! _


	3. Tyler

My eyes… they must deceive me! More people voted for Tyler than the most beautiful and intelligent Heather! What madness… and it seems somebody here voted for that _butter donkey _Owen… Ha! I doubt my lovely and most gracious fans would EVER vote for Owen, right? Anyways, time for me to _insult- _I mean evaluate that failed jock on my team during Total Drama World Tour.

The man was the definition of pain. Everything he did had to end up with him getting injured and or hurt terribly? What kind of person has the unimaginable curse placed on them to always get hurt? It's crazy! Sometimes I believe he gets himself injured so that girlfriend _Lindsay _of his would notice him. If so then shame on you Tyler.

His personal belief of himself being good at sports. Really, Cody would be a better quarter back than him. He has no talent whatsoever and I'm surprised he actually tries to be good at them. It's dumb. I wouldn't be surprised if he would be incapable to throw a football let alone pick one up.

His uselessness for the team. He NEVER helped us win any challenges of any REAL importance. Using your thumbs to carry our whole team (let alone Owen) from falling to our inevitable death is very noble and surprising but really, how much can thumbs do for your team? I thought so, NONE.

His usefulness for me. Yes, I'm just as surprised as you are, I actual found something good worth mentioning from that idiota. He was the main reason I got Duncan eliminated, without him I wouldn't be able to expose his and Gwens imitate attraction to one another to have not 1, not 2, but THREE people eliminated! Tyler, I Must thank you for that, even though that mainly is the only thing you were good for.

He has a terrible look. Yes, I am pulling a Justin here *shivers* but it MUST be recognized here, I am fine with most others look on this show but a red sweatshirt and pants with a headband? That's cheap. Speaking of being cheap…

So is his fear. Yes Yes it may not make entire sense to bring this up but that idiota is afraid of _pollos? _How is that possible? Sure, Duncan's Fear of basically Card Board makes Tyler look like Goliath but at least he stood up and faced his fear… what did Tyler do you may ask? Chickened Out.

That is all I have to say about that buffoon known as Tyler. I would plead for you to pick for somebody more reasonable next time as Tyler was the most annoying person other than that stupid Owen I had to deal with on that show. Anyways I would like to apologize for any spelling errors or incorrect punctuation you may find on this, since that idiot- I mean loyal friend of mine may have failed to spell check this.

Anyways, until next time…

_Adios!_

Sincerely, THE Alejandro Burromuerto.


	4. Gwen

Great. Just amazing. The first time Heather gets the most votes… Heather _herself_ personally asks me to do her last. Women these days huh men? You do what you can because you love them, just as I love my Heather. So, the person with the next amount of votes was Gwendolyn, otherwise known as Gwen. So it's time for me to evaluate her… oh wait.. It appears somebody is calling me, please give me a moment.

Okay, THE Alejandro Burromuerto has returned. It appears Heather has given me ANOTHER Request, that feisty she-devil beauty. She seems to want to join me in Evaluating the _idiota's- _I mean contestants. So now you shall be getting 2 opinions which means twice as much insults- I mean constructive criticism. So yes, Heather and I Will be evaluating Gwen this time… I almost feel bad for that Goth artist. Anyways, I Will start first since this is MY story.

She has major personality issues. First season, Goth Loner girl with a knack of standing up for her self. Second Season, some horny girl looking for a quick fling with Duncan, Third Season, Scared to even think for herself and when she does it causes her to be eliminated. Fifth Season, she seemed to be the Sierra for Courtney. Gwen has NO idea who she is as apposed to me. I KNOW I am a genius manipulator.

Does she know how to date? She can't date a male for longer than a season. She thinks she's all that doesn't she? That she can break up and date anybody whenever she feels like? HA! Too bad for her. How many people has she dated on TD anyways? Trent the guitar number nine loving freak, Duncan the jail bird, and Courtney the CIT, right? Wait… it appears Courtney and Gwen never were in an intimate relationship… than what were those odd grunting sounds in their bedroom during our time in the Spa Hotel… *shivers*.

She cares to much of what others think of her. I Liked season 1 Gwen, I was rooting for her in the finale once I saw Heather (my future girlfriend was eliminated) lost. Now don't get me wrong I HATE The show, but I had to watch it to see my competition. So when I came to season 3 I expected her to make enemies with Courtney and Heather off the bat, which happened, then she befriends Courtney? Whatever, It could matter less to me. Than when Duncan arrives and the 2 kiss you know what Gwen does? Tries for the next 2 seasons to make up with Courtney? Sounds like a middle school cheerleader than a teenager.

That's all I Have to say about that Goth Loner, but my beautiful Heather surely has more to say about her than I do so I'll give the rest of the chapter to her.

_So this is Fanfiction? Ugh, UGLY! Anyways, I'm Heather and I'm going to be helping Alejandro with this little series he has going for his so called fans. I'M The only villain with a good fan base right guys! Well, enough about me, time to talk about weird goth girl!  
_

_She's such a loser! Really, that's just it. I Can't explain if you're a loser, some times you just are a loser and she IS!_

_She's so ugly! What's up with looking like a vampire Gwen? She's really into Twilight is what I remember from reading her diary in TDI… I HATED THAT SHOW AND STILL DO! _

_Well… Alejandro took what I was going to say, I'm going to have to have a word with that sexy beast… I MEAN GUY! Yeah… anyways from what I remember he told me to write this…_

_Vote for who you want to read about next in the reviews! Until Next time…_

_Bye Losers!_


	5. Dawn

Dawn? DAWN? I Hate Dawn and for that reason I Shall not be kind towards that creepy, No good, aura reading freak. Wonder why I Hate her? She's a COMPLETE IDIOT! But I'll explain that later, my wonderful Heather wanted to start off the chapter, so here is her opinions on that moon child.

_Dawn? Which one is she? I thought I told you I didn't talk to losers. Talking __**about**__ losers is just as bad._

_Is she the creepy girl that says she can read "auras?" That's not even a thing. I would think that she was using it to scare people to get farther into the competition, but she was so incredibly pathetic that that couldn't be the reason. Maybe she's like, delusional. If she is, I don't know why Chris let her on the show. Sure, she's insane, but a girl that creepy could be dangerous to our safety. And she had a thing for that redneck farm boy. Her taste in guys is almost as terrible as her fashion sense. Her clothes make me gag. Seriously. Who pairs an olive green turtleneck with purple leggings? And an aqua shirt? Barf._

_The way she "talks" to animals is crazy. I bet she makes up conversations with them in her head because she can't find any real people that want to talk to her. The way she like, tells people about their childhood is creepy. I am obviously too smart to fall for that mind reading garbage, unlike other people. She probably stalked everyone on the show and found out all of their personal information before the season started to make it look like she could "see their souls." She and Sierra would get along. And it's impossible to care that much about all people and animals. It's unnatural. And news flash, being nice is NOT how you win a million dollars people! I __**WOULD**__ have the money right now if it wasn't for that psycho freak Ezekiel! Hey, maybe someone should set the two of them up. It'd be a creepy match made in heaven._

_Anyway, she's a weirdo awkward chic that deserved to be voted out so early. And if she tries to "read" my "aura," I will literally kill her. So that's pretty much it. Later, losers._

Ah, Heather, she always knows the right thing to say and when to say it. Anyways, time for my opinion on her.

She can sense auras yet didn't win? Talk about incompetent! Right during her time on the boat to that wretched Camp Wawanakwa she should have known that Scott was the main baddy and should have warned everybody about him, but NOOOO! She waits till before she gets eliminated and we all KNOW that Chris isn't one for last second farewells.

Dull. She has no personality, just like Mike, without her aura reading ability she'd be what? Unoriginal and Uninteresting.

' SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Please correct me if I'm wrong, which I never am, but what did she do that season? Stand there and be creepy? Do Nothing? Wait to be eliminated? Worthless I tell you, WORTHLESS.

Well, that's all We have to say, please chose somebody Heather and I Have known for a while, Like Duncan or Beth so we may make these longer. Until next time though,

Adios!


	6. Duncan

So… it appears Jail bird is up next! Heather may have delved deeper into this than I have since she hates him much… MUCH more than myself, but that's not saying I Don't wish he breaks his neck every couple of days. Here is what THE Alejandro Burromuerto thinks about Duncan…

He was a insensitive jerk. Even I Have more honour than that delinquent. I'm sure if he had broken up with Courtney before he started to date Gwen MAYBE she would have hated those 2 less. Probably not, but he still should have been more considerate. Think that's the only time he was mean and insensitive? HAROLD. What had Harold done to Duncan for him to deserve anything that had come to him? He only went to the Island to try and win a Million dollars, not to be bullied by some punk who thinks that is cool. I'm not one who really cares about hurting or crushing other's feelings or hopes but AT LEAST I have a reason. Him? He thinks he was cool, No Duncan, that ISN'T COOL AT ALL. _Incompetente…_

From Smart to Not. Duncan USED to be a worthy competitor, only losing TDI Because that _butter donkey Owen_ chose to lose the challenge because he wanted some _Cinnamon buns? _He actually WON TDA (Albeit only due to a vote) and made it 5th in TDWT (Even though he had to be captured to come back). Then… his downfall. TDAS He was an Idiot, using none of his street smarts, acting all lovey dovy towards Gwen to only care about Courtney, and when he really DOES have worthwhile information about a contestant he wasted it on an IDIOT. Not even a player who could actually play the game, NOOO! Let's tell Zoey for the sole fact that she will always choose Mike over anybody and YOLO Right!? Duncan is the TRUE Definition of Fall From Grace.

BAD BOY ALERT! No Duncan, more like dumb kid alert. What is his problem? He FINNALY figures out he has the potential to be a good guy and NOT return to juvie anymore, he decides to fight his hardest against it. Deep down he truly did know that he was a good person… but he just doesn't want to be one. He thinks being bad and evil is COOL? No, even though Heather and I are evil, we did it so we could win a million dollars. Him? He wanted some higher reputation. So he blows up Chris's "cottage". So cool Duncan, let's hope Jail somehow raised that cool guy reputation for you.

That's all for me though. Here is what My beauty Heather thinks…

_Duncan? Please. That delinquent thinks he's so cool, but he's just a pervy idiot. He actually hit on me back on Total Drama Island, but I obviously shot him down. I'm a million times better than that creep._

_When I had to kiss him in Action, I scrubbed my mouth for the next month. He's a slimy pig, and I have no idea how he's managed to get not one but TWO girlfriends on this show. I thought Courtney and Gwen would have better standards. But judging on their track records, they don't. Farmboy and Nine Freak? Good one, guys. But seriously, he was an absolute idiot cheating on Courtney. Sure, she's an uptight snob, but she'll give him more of an advantage than Creepy Goth Girl. Don't get me wrong, they're both useless psychos, but that painted a target on his back. But I'm glad he was a total jerk and cheated on her, because then Gwen became the most hated one on our team. Not me. Even though I didn't do anything to become a target in the first place._

_When he turned all "nice" in All Stars, it was both sickening and hilarious to watch. He's the green haired, Mohawk wearing, pierced EVERYWHERE freak that has been trying to be the sleazy tough guy since day one. When he got emotional over a stupid bird, I almost passed out laughing. Although the new nice thing was absolutely disgusting, he got so incredibly pissed off when people called him Duncan Do Right or anything like that that it was funny to watch. When he chickened out of punching that bird, you could tell how soft big tough Duncan really was. If it was me in there, I would've punched that bird into next Tuesday no questions asked. What a loser._

_Duncan was a womanizing jerk in Island. I mean, of course he'd hit on me. I'm gorgeous. But Courtney? Why? She's not even that pretty, and he got all sappy and sentimental for her. That guy is seriously as tough as a bunny rabbit. And accusing me of changing the votes? As if! Well, actually that's something that I would totally do. But that's a one and done trick, and I would never waste it on Courtney._

_He had no right to call me cold when the truth about Lindsay and I came out. I mean, it was obvious I didn't really like her. There is nothing between her ears but air. And when he said "at least I'm straight with people?" Um, news flash! You cheated on her girlfriend! Don't make me look like the bad guy here. I was just playing the game. I played it a heck of a lot better than he did, anyway._

_Duncan is also one of the ugliest guys on the show. His piercings make him look like an ogre. They aren't even done well; it looks like he took a needle and jabbed it on random spots on his face. And his hair color? Barf. Hair is supposed to be natural colors. If you dye it, at least dye it a human shade. And unlike Alejandro, he doesn't even have a six pack._

_I can't even tell you how stupid he was, trying to make an alligence with Courtney AND Gwen. After he cheated on Courtney, and then got so obsessed with her that Gwen dumped him. And then they became best friends. I'm sure that they had a lot of fun comparing notes. I always knew that he was a complete idiot, but that seriously reached a whole new universe of stupid._

_Blowing up Chris's "cottage" was even dumber. How stupid cam a person be? Any idiot can see that that thing was worth a heck of a lot of money. Where do you think the show's budget went? It was obvious that he was going to get in actual trouble for that. Goodbye Juvie, hello big boy jail._

_All in all, he's a wannabe tough guy that is actually a total softie, but not in a good way. He thinks he is so above it all and has the right to act like a total jerk just because he's been to Juvie. He doesn't even have a reason to act so tough, unlike me. My toughness and supposed cruelty was all strategy, while his was just being a loser. He's a sleaze, a perv, a cheater, and not even a worthy competitor. Enjoy the rest of your life in prison._

_I guess that's it on the Delinquent. Later, losers._

_**Author's note: The stuff said in this chapter is from HEATHER'S point of view. None of the insults about dyeing your hair or getting piercings are actually my views. I don't wanna offend anyone so I'm just putting it out there that I don't personally believe that there is anything wrong with that. - Shewritesstuff99 (Aw, she's SO Nice! Wonder why I Chose her to be Heather now…. :P)**_


	7. Noah

***Authors Note: This is from the guy who writes The Amazingly Popular Soon to be Most Well Known Story on The TD Fandom, Wonder What WE think of them? Anyways, Hope you are all enjoying the story so far! 6 Chapters and we already have 65 reviews?! THAT'S AWESOME! My dream (My Goal actually) is to hit 100 reviews by the end of February, so come on we can do it! Oh, and if you can, leave feedback on what we can improve on! You don't have to but it would be nice, you can even PM me Feedback if you'd like (I'd love that!)! I'm going to be dedicating the next chapter after this one to the person who gives me the most useful piece of feedback (if I get any.) So if everybody votes Owen (That Butter Donkey) and the person who gives me a great piece of feedback votes Staci then Staci gets the chapter! Great deal right? Sad thing is I know nobody read this…. Anyways please do what I said in the authors note! It'll make me happier than The Joker getting lipstick during Christmas!***

*shivers* Ugh, another worthless competitor from my team during TDWT. Noah, that cynical sarcastic twig was nowhere near as useful as I hoped. Here is what I think of that above average annoying teen.

Way to cynical. Did he think he was cool? Making sarcastic comments or being a smart Alec at every opportunity? Maybe he thought that would help get farther in the competition, but no Noah, that made you come off as a jerk only someone as stupid as that _butter donkey _would believe you to actually care about anything. You didn't even make it that far in the competition, and that was a MAJOR reason why.

He didn't care. Or should I say he doesn't care? Never participated in challenges, acts all mopey and dead during them and what? He doesn't even get eliminated? My team was filled of such idiot's to have realized that he was worthless and almost as much deadweight as Owen. He also showed how much he could care less, if he even did care, during his time on TDI. He sat out during a Dodge ball game just because he doesn't _do _sports? I Would have rather played Dodge Ball than have fallen out of a plane countless times! Noah made himself a huge target by doing that and guess what? He gets eliminated because of it! Childish mistake from a childish player.

His fan base is WAY to big. Honestly, what has that high school student done that made him anybody's favourite participant on the deathtrap? I can understand liking Ezekiel due to sympathy but Noah? The only thing noteworthy of him doing was discovering me out as a villain, which brings me to my next thing…

He… Figured… Me….. Out. How? What had I done that season before the final 4 to show that I was evil? He must have cheated and looked at the confessionals, THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY HE COULD HAVE FOUND OUT! Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't such of an idiot…. Maybe.

Anyways, that is all I have to say about that sad excuse. Here is what my most precious love Heather has to say about him.

_Noah? The little anti social kid? Two words: nerd alert. He thinks he is so much better than everyone else because of all of those stupid books, which is totally wrong. He's antisocial, and the only reason he pretends to be above everyone else is because he knows that if he were on our level, he'd have no friends._

_If he thinks being a sarcastic know it all is going to make people like him, he's dumb. No one likes the cynical act. It just makes him seem like a jerk. And if he really doesn't care so much, why did he even sign up for the show? "Sports aren't my forte?" What does that even mean? I got my head shaved to win a million dollars, and he thought a game of dodgeball was too much for him? If you're not willing to at least pretend to participate in challenges, what's the point? He might has well have just walked the Dock of Shame._

_Also, he dresses like a little school girl. Sweater vests? Seriously? Hello, this is the 21st century. And he screams like a girl. You'd think that the monotone that he speaks in would at least make him yell like a guy. When Duncan scared him in the race for the million dollar case, he looked like a bird when he ran. He flapped his arms and everything! It's like, just give yourself a wedgie and save us the trouble._

_In World Tour, at least he applied himself a little more. And he was the only one to figure out that Alejandro is evil. (I say that with love!) So I give him credit for that. But still, if he was a more worthy competitor, Alejandro couldn't have crushed him so easily. He's so tiny, he could probably fit under Alejandro's boot!_

_Anyway. Noah is a horribly dressed, annoying, sarcastic girl that talks like a robot, screams like a girl, and runs like a baby bird. So all in all, I could bury him alive in 10 seconds. Not even worth my time. He practically got himself eliminated both times he competed. Awful competitor, and the know it all thing is just annoying. Stick to reading . That's all on Noah. Later, losers._

**Remember to review for who's next and leave some feedback if possible!**


	8. Looks like they found out

Duncan and Geoff leaned against the bar stool, downing drinks at an unnatural speed.

"Dude," Geoff said, slurring slightly. "Did you know people write stories about us? Like actual, real stories?"

Duncan laughed dismissively. "I doubt anyway cares enough about our lives to write about us. And anyway, why the hell were you looking?"

"No, seriously. I've seen some pretty insane junk about me and Bridge. Well, not all of it is that insane. A couple of them were pretty spot on. And I just wanted to make sure nothing about us got spotted, if you know what I mean. It just popped up."

He tilted his head upwards. "Wait, so people might have written about me and Princess? And Pasty?"

Geoff chuckled. "I've seen a couple about you and Court AND Gwen. Like, all three of you." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Okay. I gotta see this."

Duncan grabbed his phone. "What's the site called?"

"Fanfiction dot net. Then click Total Drama."

He scrolled down. "People really waste their time on this? This is crazy!"

"I know, right? But it's pretty entertaining."

He made a face. "DuncanxGeoff? Ugh!"

"They get kind of far fetched."

After scrolling for a few minutes, something made them pause. "What's this?"

"Wonder What WE Think of Them? Looks boring." Duncan said.

"No dude. Look who wrote it."

I, THE Alejandro Burromeurto and Heather, have joined this site called Fanfiction so we may express our opinions towards the idiota's-I mean contestants who had to compete in the wretched show Total Drama, and I KNOW you all love our opinion our precioso's. Now I may dislike your favourite contestant's but it serves you right if you like butter donkeys.

"That's Alejandro," Duncan said, stunned. "That's really him. And he's obviously going to insult us. Let's look at this one."

They opened the story, and read the first couple chapters. "This is just Alejandro and his evil girlfriend ripping on us. They're spreading these lies all over the internet? Not cool, bro." He ran a hand through his Mohawk. "That's low, even for Al."

"Dude? Geoff said timidly. "You're not going to like this, but look at the next chapter."

"They wrote one on me?"

"And it's not exactly nice."

Duncan growled. "Does anyone actually believe this garbage? In what world am I, and I quote, a 'wannabe tough guy that is actually a total softie, but not in a good way.' And 'He thinks he is so above it all and has the right to act like a total jerk just because he's been to Juvie?' I'm really feeling the love, Heather."

"And did you see her description of your looks?"

Duncan read the whole chapter, with fire in his eyes. When he was done, he looked at Geoff. "Dude, we gotta put a stop to this. We all know it's trash, but the rest of the world doesn't."

"I know. But we can't just call them and tell them to take it down."

A slow smile spread across Duncan's face. "But we can call them... And everyone else too."

...

"Gwen? It's Duncan."

"What are you doing out of jail?"

He chuckled. "Good behaviour. So anyway, I know we didn't part on exactly great terms, but there's something you should know."

He directed her to the story. When he heard her gasp, he knew she had read it and pieced together who the authors were. "Did they-"

"They did."

"They're dead."

He smirked. "They are. Here's what I propose..."

...

"Noah? Duncan."

"Duncan? For what do I owe the pleasure? If you're looking for bail money-" The monotonous voice said.

"There's an issue."

"There is many issues. Fashion sense? Bad piercings? I'll compose a list, if you prefer."

Duncan growled. "I'm going to ignore that, because we have a bigger problem."

Once Noah read his chapter, Duncan waited for a reaction.

"Well?"

"Am I supposed to be surprised that the eel swam his way to the Internet?"

"They called you a nerd, pathetic, an antisocial loser- actually they hit the nail on the head on that one."

"Do I care?"

"Dude, they called your books stupid."

"What action are we planning to take?"

...

"Isn't it terrible?"

Tyler gasped. "Those guys are pretty mean! I am not a failed attempt at being an athlete!"

"And that's why we need revenge! So you'll be there?"

"I'll be there."

...

Alejandro looked up from his phone. "Mi amor, it appears we have been invited to a reunion party."

Heather groaned. "Not another one! Do we have to go?"

"Sadly, the text says it's mandatory. Although it's from Geoff, not Chris. Chris must be too lazy to send the evites himself."

"He better not be planning another stupid surprise."

He slung his arm around her shoulders. "We can just pop in and out. It's scheduled for tomorrow. Pretty last minute, even by Chris's standards."

"At least I can wear my new dress."

"That's the spirit."

...

"This place is disgusting."

Alejandro chuckled. "When did Chris ever spring for a decent venue?"

"True."

They walked in, only to find the room dark and empty. "Did I get the address right?"

Heather looked worried. "Maybe we're just early."

They made their way to the middle of the room, and took a seat in two vacant chairs.

"This is weird," Heather said.

"Hello, Alejandro. Hello, Heather," a deep voice said, making them both jump.

"Who was that?" Heather whispered fearfully.

A familiar laugh filled the room. "Duncan? This isn't funny. Where are you?"

Suddenly, over thirty bodies stepped out of the shadows and formed a circle around them.

The crowd parted slightly and Duncan stepped through. They quickly filled in the gap, leaving the circle closed once again.

"Duncan, I don't know if this is what your kind finds funny, but this isn't how normal humans greet each other," Heather said.

He chuckled dryly. "Do you have any idea why we brought you here?"

"Um, maybe because you're an ex convict with a seriously sick sense of humour?"

"No. Because you guys have been trashing us on the internet. We saw your story on Fanfiction."

Alejandro opened his eyes widely. "That's what this is about? Amigos, it was all a joke. Surely you know that?"

"Seemed pretty serious to me," said Duncan. Murmurs of agreement swept through the crowd.

Mike, Dawn, Noah, Gwen, and Tyler joined Duncan. "We read the stuff you wrote about us. And we're not happy," said Tyler.

"I know your auras are dark, but why did you need to spread such rudeness across the world?" Dawn added.

"And this 'creepy Goth girl' did way better than you last season."

"Please, all of you. We meant no harm. We were just expressing our personal opinions."

"So I guess you're just too chicken to do it to our faces?" Duncan growled.

"Alejandro Burromuerto is no chicken."

"Then prove it. Don't put garbage about us on the internet. Be a man- and woman- and say it to our faces. You guys are pathetic."

Heather stood up. "You did not just call us pathetic."

Duncan smirked. "We kinda did."

"So we're chicken because we didn't say that stuff to your faces? That makes us chickens?"

"Pretty much."

"We can say it to your faces."

"Prove it."

"Fine." Heather pulled Alejandro up and faced the crowd. With matching evil grins, they met every pair of eyes.

"So who's up first?"

All the other contestants looked at each other with nervous glances, waiting for the first person to step up.

**Pretty good chapter don't you think? Give credit to lovewriting101 on this one though, she wrote it. I just spellchecked and came up with the idea. Anyways, you guys still have to post in the reviews who you want to see next!**


	9. Courtney

"So you two are actually going to insult us to our faces?" Duncan growled. "We wanted to make you stop, not let you keep going."

"Dude," Geoff said, "it's better here than on the internet."

"Fine," Duncan sighed. "Just do it fast."

Heather laughed. "No one even volunteered to go first! And you call us chickens!"

"Excuse me? You did NOT just call me a chicken! I was a C.I.T.!" Courtney yelled, pushing through the circle until she was right in front of Heather and Alejandro.

"Look who just volunteered herself!" said Alejandro. "Mi amor, you may start."

"There isn't anything to say. I'm perfect," said Courtney angrily.

"For one thing, every time you remind us that you're a C.I.T., we all get the urge to stuff your face into a toilet. It's snobby, obnoxious, and all they do is make friendship bracelets all day anyway."

"That is completely untrue!" she shouted. "We also went camping, learned about nature, and-"

"Raise your hand if you agree with me," Heather said, and many hands sheepishly went up. Duncan's shot up quickly, but her glare was enough to make him put it down. "See Miss B-I-T- I mean- never mind- I'm not the only one here that hates you."

She scowled. "People hate you more than they hate me! And anyway, is that all you got?"

"Just getting started. You're fashion sense is absolutely horrendous. You dress like a total prude."

"I dress in the proper attire for the future president!"

Duncan winked. "Hey Princess, I wouldn't mind if you decided to show a little more skin."

"I second that!" Scott shouted from the back.

"Creeps! I broke up with both of you!" she yelled back.

"Which brings me to our next problem. Horrible taste in guys. Seriously? For a girl that is not horribly ugly, you pick the worst boyfriends. Duncan and Scott? Duncan is a pierced, delinquent weirdo-"

"Hey!"

"And Scott is a dirt eating farmboy."

"It's my comfort food!"

She growled. "I've attracted more boys than you have!"

"Nope. Harold liked me, and Duncan hit on me before he hit on you. Plus, I have Alejandro, who is worth at least 200 Scotts and 300 Duncans."

"Come on. Harold didn't like you."

"Yes he did. Harold!" she yelled. "Don't you have a crush on me?"

"No offense to both of you, but my heart belongs to Leshawna. Besides, you're both kind of scary."

"Continuing, you call your lawyers way too much. If you were as smart as you say you are, you could solve your problems without them."

"Hey! My lawyers scored me a private bathroom! You tried to get one by hitting on Chris! My plan actually worked, and I still have my dignity!"

"I didn't hit on Chris!"

"You told him he looked buff!"

She smirked. "I was trying to get an advantage. And it worked. I came in third that season, and you didn't even make it to the merge."

"I was voted out unfairly, thank you very much."

"So was I!"

"Ladies, as much as I would love to hear you keep fighting, the rest of us are bored out of our heads," said Noah.

"I think it's time I take over. Wonderful start, mi angel." Alejandro said.

"Bring it on." Courtney said, desperately trying to look tough.

"Time to wrap this thing up."

"For beginners, your whole "I'm going to win this, and nobody is going to stop me!" phrase gets really old considering you are never a big threat."

"Hey! I've gotten 4th place before!"

"First?"

"No…"

"Exactly! Also, you also seem to be very clumsy. First, you get pink eye for no real reason, and you make a list of who to eliminate and when, just to "magically" lose it and have that worthless low life Mike-"

"Hey! That was Mal! And I'm not worthless, am I Zoey?"

"Of course not honey boo, I love you, no matter how boring and un-interesting you are."

"Thanks Zoey! Wait… what?'

"Continuing, find it? From someone who is a C-I-T -not a major title to begin with- one would ponder why you continue to be your own demise."

"My own demise? I did better than you did last season!"

"Granted, but I actually won a season I competed in."

"Actually, Alejandro, love, I won that season. I remember kicking you in the crotch and kicking you down a volcano."

"Mi angel, that must have been a dream. I am currently living with you in my million dollar mansion, therefore I have won the money, which means I won the season. It's not like there are _alternate endings_ for each season."

"Ugh, fine, you win. Can you just continue grinding Courtney!"

"Of course mi angel. Next off Courtney, you ruined a perfectly good friendship with Gwen over a kiss she had with Duncan. You could have talked it all out."

"No we couldn't! She a lying, backstabbing, boyfriend stealing bit-"

"Okay Okay! Look Courtney, how many times do I have to say sorry until you freaking forgive me!"

"All you have to say is that you hate Duncan to the core and wish he was never born!"

"Uh… well…. Anything else?"

"HA! I knew you still digged me!"

Gwen awkwardly blushed and walked to the back of the crowd.

"Interesting. I'll have to remember this day. Anyways Courtney, that is all I have to say about you. Unless of course you want to suffer more."

"Uh.. Um.. I'm good." Courtney says as she walks to the back of the crowd.

"Ooh, that was brutal man! On the bright side, nobody except us is hearing all this, that would be some major trouble for Courtney's social life, right Duncan?"

"I could care less what happens to Princess, right Pasty?"

Gwen looks at him, blushes, glares, and then starts to get chocked by Courtney.

Meanwhile, nobody knew that a certain purple haired uber fan was blogging everything that was happening and posting it on a site called "Fanfiction dot net".

'So… who's next?" Alejandro asks as the rest look at each other just waiting for somebody to nominate themselves.

**That's all for this chapter! Leave who you want to read about next in the reviews! Oh, and check out a story called Total Drama Wedding by lovewriting101! THE ALEHEATHERNESS IN IT IS AMAZING! Oh, and 100th reviewer gets a one shot dedicated to them!**

**See ya next chapter!**


	10. Zoey

"I am going to sue you both for everything you have! That was an unlawful use of false information!" Courtney screamed.

"You asked for it," Heather said, smirking evilly. "So who's next?"

"Me!" Zoey said, stepping forward.

"You?" Everyone else repeated in shock.

"But you never do anything negative or interesting!" Duncan said.

"Well, after a big trust exercise with Mike, a very rude email brought the fact that we are very boring to our attention. So we're trying to work on that! Right, honey bear?"

"Yes, sugar pie!" Mike grinned.

"Yeah, its not working," Heather murmured. "But fine. For starters, the whole apology thing? You are so easy to manipulate. All you have to do is pretend to be your friend and you'll do anything. And you're so dumb."

"Hey!"

"It's true. Mal was horrible at being Mike, and Duncan literally told you, and you still didn't figure it out. And then you did, and you still brought him to the finale. You're a complete idiot."

Zoey looked offended. "I completely disagree! I mean, if that's okay with everyone."

"There is so much more. You're-"

"Mi amor?" Alejandro interrupted.

"What?"

"If you don't mind, I'd like an extra long turn on this one. She is one of my least favorite people in the whole world."

"But I have so many things to say!" Heather whined.

"Okay, we'll make a deal. I get Zoey, you get whoever you want all to yourself. Good?"

"Fine."

"Thank you, mi angel. Now, Zoey, are you ready for my opinion on you?' Alejandro says with a devilish grin.

"Oh, actually Alejandro, I can, if it's okay with you, walk out and have you no-" Alejandro cuts her off.

"Great. So for starters, you barley have a character. You see the bad boy like Duncan, the stuck up bitch like Courtney-"

"HEY! I'm not a bitch! I'm A C-I-T!" Courtney says defensively as she continues to strangle Gwen.

", and then you see the nice, barely flawed Zoey. You're basically just Beth with a cuter look, and people would definitely prefer you over Beth, right?"

"What do you mean Alejandro? If it's okay with Beth, I would very much disagree that we are similar in any way."

"*scoff* Yeah, I agree with Zoey over here, even I'M not that boring." Beth says rolling her eyes.

"Yeah! Thanks Beth! Wait… what?" Zoey says.

"Continuing, you only ever talked about Mike, everything is just 'Miss Damsel in Distress, Mike come save me,' with you. You HAVE to at least have had some interests back home, but no, once you meets Mike that's all you can talk about. Your entire personality revolves around him! Think about it: If you had hobbies like writing, or sewing, drawing, whatever, and met a friend/crush, wouldn't you like to get to know him better and discuss yourself? All You ever did was praise Mike." Alejandro says.

"Hey! I can disagree with that statement ! I don't always praise Mike! Sometimes I praise Manitoba, or Vito, sometimes even Chester! See Alejandro, I'm not boring!"

"_Incompetente…_ anyways, as for the _**Mal **_thing, maybe you were blinded by love. But if you had other people telling you that Mike was bad, wouldn't you at least be inclined to investigate? You just kept brushing it off."

"I didn't brush it off! I just insisted it wasn't true! Sure, I forgot to investigate but come on! It's not like somebody was telling me Mike was Mal the whole time!"

"Are you freaking kidding me!" Duncan said as he slapped his forehead.

"Next, although not entirely your fault, Chris gives us all stereotypes before we come on the wretched show, and surprisingly you got labelled as the _Indie Chick."_

"So? What does that matter?' Zoey said interrupting Alejandro.

"Never. Interrupt. Alejandro. Burromuerto. As I was saying, your stereotype was and still is a blatant lie. Your stereotype implies that you have some sort of interesting factor, which you do not have. I believe that your TRUE stereotype should be _The Boring Girl."_

"Alejandro! Only I have the right to call Zoey Boring! Isn't that right snuggle muffin?" Mike says unsympathetically.

"Thanks Mike! Wait… HEY! That's very rude of you!" Zoey says.

"Well you started it!" Mike said.

"SO WHAT! Doesn't mean you are allowed to insult me on it too!"

"You know what Zoey! This relationship isn't working out!"

"What do you mean?"

'I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU! AND I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING STAY HERE ANYMORE SINCE I ALREADY WAS INSULTED BY ALEJANDRO! GOODBYE EVERYONE!" And with that, Mike left on an abrupt and worthless exit.

"Bwahah- that's just- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Duncan, Geoff, Gwen, DJ And Scott said in unison.

"Mike!" Zoey said starting to cry.

"Poor Zoey. Would you like me to stop insulting you?"

"Y-Yes please Alejandro." Zoey politely asked with tears in her eyes.

"Too bad! You wanted to make friends yet declined being friends with Dakotazoid and Dawn because they were weird yet claiming a couple episodes before that you liked oddballs."

"S-Stop Alejandro!"

"No! You brought Mal to the finale even though you knew that he was Mal claiming that you believed that Mike was still there and because you loved him! Well looks like he doesn't love you anymore!" Alejandro says starting to laugh hysterically.

"STOP!" Zoey says crying a waterfall.

Alejandro looked at her and just said one last thing.

"You were just a quick fling for Mike."

Zoey couldn't take it anymore. She got up, kicked all in the balls, spit in his face and knocked him out cold. She then walked back into the crowd.

"You go girl! Tell that sly devil off! Give me some sugar!" Leshawana says as she pulls Zoey into a hug.

"What did you call Alejandro?! Oh, you are so going to get it!"

'Bring it on Toothpick!" Leshawana says releasing Zoey out of the hug and preparing herself for her fight with Heather.

"I Intend to." Heather says with a smirk.

"Heh Heh, this'll be great for my blog!" Sierra says posting it up on .

'What was that Sierra?" Cody asked her.

"Oh, Nothing!" Sierra said as she quickly shut off he laptop and closed it.

**Remember to review! Oh, and check out lovewriting101's work! Especially Total Drama Wedding! It's freaking amazing!**


	11. Leshawana

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, if I did Gwuncan would never break up, Scourtney would have ended out much better, Jersey Shore: The Animated Series (TDAS) would have not failed terribly and I would not make Wawanakwa sink, like WTF were they thinking!**

**A/N: Quick Author's note, lovewriting101 is no longer Heather due to some…. Technical difficulties. Anyways, I'm writing Heather now, so tell me on what I need to improve, I've spent so much time off screen practicing my Alejandro trying to do the same for Heather is a bit hard. So tell me what you think. **

**Final thing, I'm going back to the beauty this story was at the beginning. Alejandro and his Amor just saying what they think on the computer, not face to face, it changed far to much from what I had created, and I didn't like that. So if you're confused, that's why this chapter and the rest are back to the original format. I hope you enjoy it!**

Hello once again my most _precioso's lectores, _it is I, THE Alejandro Burromuerto, returning from the long chapter drought. As you could have seen, it was very difficult for myself and my most beautiful Heather to escape those _idiota's- _I mean, _friends _of ours, we WERE in a little bit of a rut, who does that anyways? They are very lucky I didn't call the authorities for kidnapping and false accusation. There are plenty other Alejandro Burromuerto's in the world, none as handsome and devilish as I am, but plenty other's none the less. Anyways, we are back. Heather and I are back to evaluate these former contestants, so sit back and enjoy. I will be starting off.

It appears you voted for that _chocolate milk skinned lug. _Very much appreciated, _mi reviewers, _very much appreciated. I get to insult- evaluate this disabled dancing machine. Let us see how I fair.

First off, her dancing is atrocious! She attempts to dance yet what it really looks like is she is being performed an exorcism on. Honestly, does she truly think she has "moves like jagger" as she states? It gives me shivers down my manipulative spine, it must be a punishment for anyone to be forced to watch her dance. I Feel bad for Harold.

Harold. Yes, I understand that I just said I feel bad for Harold but I also feel bad for her. What does she see in that? Ninja like skills? Magic Steve Magic Tricks? Heck, she could probably snap him into a twig next time she gives him a hug! Her taste in men is almost as bad as Courtney's…. maybe she just dated him seeing that nobody else on the show liked her more than a friend? I pity you Leshawana, I Pity you.

HAS SHE HEARD OF TONING DOWN THE VOLUME! All she does is yell. Whispering is yelling. Talking is yelling. Yelling is yelling even louder and plain breathing is yelling! She is very annoying. Leshawana, if you are here reading this, let me tell you, my aunt Carly works with car horns, she may be able to remove the one stuck in your huge throat.

That is all I have to say about that loud mouthed basket ball. I shall leave the rest to _mi amor precioso Heather._

Hello Losers, fans, popularity boosters, whatever you want me to call you. Heather here, and I've been gifted the pleasure from my "lovely" boyfriend Alejandro to come here and share my "opinion" on that loud mouthed, longed nailed, armpit hairy fat weirdo Leshawana!

Next time I see her remind me to bring some earmuffs and a restraining order. She is so loud it isn't even funny. The sheer fact that some people can deal with her whole shtick baffles me, like, look people! You don't talk to people who yell in their sleep! It's weird.

Her connection with Gwen. Like, super loud fat girl meets super quiet anorexic Goth chick. It makes no sense! How do those two get along, let alone how Gwen can stand her yet not Lindsay makes absolutely no sense! Zip!

Fashion sense alert! Girl is very ugly, like what? A White shirt with oranges on it and some jean shorts? I forgot we were going to your friends place, I thought we were on International TV.

That's all I have to say about Leshawana. Vote for who you want me And Al to insult next. Until next time…

See ya Later Popularity Boosters!

**A/N: That's it for this chapter, tell me what you thought of my take on Heather and if you enjoyed this chapter in the reviews! Later!**


	12. Cody

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, if I did Gwuncan would never break up, Scourtney would have ended out much better, Jersey Shore: The Animated Series (TDAS) would have not failed terribly and I would not make Wawanakwa sink, like WTF were they thinking!**

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Why must you lovely reviewers continue to vote for these _complete nimrods? _Ugh, but it you insist, here is your most wonderful and honest chapter about that _buck toothed geek _Cody.

CodyMiester? He thinks that 'all the girls will fall for him" yet he is a short, skinny, ugly freak of nature. No wonder Gwen chose that 9 loving maniac Trent, the jail bird turned bird lover Duncan and CIT Courtney over him. He DID have Sierra though, but what? He declined dating her? For what purpose? Because Gwen would suddenly fall head over heels for you Cody? _Stupido._

_Sierra. _*shudders* That Freak was insane. Alas, she was mainly Cody's other half. Honestly, without her, he would have been eliminated right from the start! Although no challenge to someone of _my _skill and talent thought of that _alliance _to have been difficult to deal with, but it WAS annoying, he jumped on my lap from fear for goodness sake! A man has his limits Sierra-, I mean Cody, what's the difference again?

His Ego. Now before you lash out on me, even though I KNOW mi reviewers precisos would never do something like that to moi, hear me out. When arriving on TDI, Cody thought of himself to be able to get all the beautiful women on the show, even though surely knowing that he was a scrawny little twig with no social skills whatsoever. After seeing Gwen, he just assumed abruptly asking for her bra would be the right way to ask someone for that type of item.

Than when he gets a legitimate chance to go second base with Sierra, and should I add he's been offered that by her _countless _times on AND off screen, just to reject them assuming that he still had a shot with Gwen, even though she was currently dating Duncan at the time, quite EGOtistical if you have to ask me, and I would NEVER lie to you, my friends.

His lack of ability. What skill did he have? None, that's what I thought. He made it to the finale because nobody thought he was a threat, just like Owen did in TDI. I easily got rid of him in the tie breaker, but nonethless he is annoying.

That is all I must say about that freak of nature Cody. Heather would be here giving her opinion but sadly, she is in the hospital. Wish her the best.

Anyways, vote on you you want me to evaluate next! And until next time...

_Adios!_

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**A/N: That's it for this chapter, tell me if you enjoyed this chapter in the reviews! Later!**


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